Q & A: As a girlfriend, do I have a say in my boyfriend's custody arrangement?

Q. My boyfriend’s ex wants 50/50 custody of their son.  There is no court arrangement or child support arrangement that was made after they broke up, and he has always let her see him whenever she wanted.  They have had a fair and friendly relationship until now, when she has decided she wants to take it to court.  As his girlfriend of 3 years, do I have a say in this arrangement?

A.  Even though, after three years of being with your boyfriend, you feel like their son is your own, you technically have no legal influence on the situation.  Now, if his ex wanted to take the issue to court and you two were married, that would definitely be taken into consideration in the courtroom, since you are then a stable family, dual income home, not living in wedlock, and so on.  If his ex is taking it to court now when the joint arrangement has worked out well, she’d have a hard time proving she deserves full custody.  The court may very well keep the custody arrangement as joint, since it has worked for so long, and maybe that’s just what his ex wants—a written, legally binding document to protect her—and your boyfriend’s—legal rights to their son.

Q & A: We're concerned about my fiance's ex and her abusive boyfriend's effect on his daughter!

Q.  My fiancé’s ex is living with an abusive boyfriend, and there is concern as to his daughter in that living situation.  She has full custody, but what can my fiancé do to make sure his daughter is safe and in a better living environment?

A. First off, call Child Protection Services.  It is better to be safe than sorry, and if there are signs or talk of abuse going on in a house with his daughter, action is needed.  Don’t be too quick to call CPS.  But remember, the more proof and better case that you have, the higher the odds of getting something done.  Remember, CPS is a governmental agency and, oftentimes, you’re getting into more than you bargained for—for example, the CPS can dig into an evaluation—including an evaluation of “your” living conditions and environment. Call them if there are signs or talk of abuse going on in a house with his daughter—in cases like this, action is needed for the safety of the child.

In addition to contacting Child Protection Services, your fiancé can also file an Emergency Order through the courts in order to obtain temporary full custody of the children until the issue goes to court.  But as outlined above, think in terms of “shock factor”—don’t go to court with frivolous BS or you will not be taken seriously in the future. By the time the issue gets to the courtroom, you should have additional information from Child Protection Services.  You can also see what you can find out along the line of any calls made to the police from her for abuse—if there is a police report stating they had gone to the house for a domestic abuse situation, then he’s got a strong case to get custody, even if it’s just for a little while.  But make the most of that time and fight for custody past the Emergency Order and into the future if you both feel she’s better off with you and your fiancé.

Q & A: Can my husband get custody of his kids if there are signs and reasons to believe child neglect?

Q.  My husband’s ex-wife has full custody of his two children, but we have been getting wind of some issues going on at her house that are causing reason for concern—the kids are mentioning situations that reflect child neglect, and she even sends them over without underwear because she says she cannot afford them.  They also talk about eating junk food all day, fast food for dinner, going to bed whenever they want (sometimes past midnight!) and they are struggling in school.  My husband has talked to his ex about his concerns, but she blows them off and laughs.  Can my husband get custody of the children because of these reasons?

A.  Yes!  He CAN get custody of the kids because of these reasons, and if he’s dealing with an ex that treats her children’s problems with laughter, he will definitely come across to the courts as the more caring, concerned parent in this situation.  This is not, however, a simple situation and this is not a cut and dry answer. You need to think in terms of “shock” factor when going to court.  The situation must be severe in order to get the judge to actually do something. Remember, family court is very “pro-mother,” so a father really does have to have a great case to win.

Before taking the issue to court, however, it is best that you do a little background work.  Keep a document on your computer where you keep track of when you have the children, what they say, what the ex-wife says, and any other notes or reasons for concern.  Do this for a few months until your husband has a plethora of ammunition against her.  This file can hold up in court as documentation of day-to-day occurrences of such situations.  Constant contact with day-care providers, teachers, and other important figures in his children’s lives should also be fostered on a regular basis—the more these people see the father, the more likely they are to testify for him in the courtroom.

Also, if there is concern for neglect (depending on the severity, it wasn’t stated here), you can call Child Protection Services to check out the situation, or if you have witnesses of such neglect, they may be able to sign written statements to the fact in order to take it to court and file an emergency order against his ex-wife.

Q & A: My boyfriend's son doesn't like me!

Q. My boyfriend’s son from his previous marriage does not like me.  I know I’m not their stepmom by any means at this point in our relationship, but how do I get on his son’s “good side” so that he doesn’t say nasty things to my boyfriend’s ex which could cause her to start problems with their custody?

A.  This answer may be a little vague, considering the vague summary in question.  A lot of this may depend on his son’s age—are we talking about a teenager or a toddler?  If it’s a toddler, give it time.  If it’s a teenager, you can sit with his son and have a heart-to-heart talk.  There may be fears that the teenager has concerns about, such as not getting too close to you in case you end up not sticking around, which can cause more feelings of disappointment and detachment like he felt during your boyfriend’s last divorce.

Also, has the badmouthing about you already started, or are you just concerned that it may?  If it has already started, there’s not much you can do except talk to the child and let them know that they have been misinformed, or that they are mistaken about the topic in question.  If you need to, maybe all of you can sit down with the child and clear the air.  This would all, of course, depend on what is being said, the age of the child, and the specific situation that you and your boyfriend are dealing with. Most importantly, don’t push!  This never helps.

Q & A: Can I pick up my husband's daughter for his scheduled visitation time?

Q.  My husband’s ex has full custody of his daughter, but he does get to pick her up for his visitation rights every other weekend.  Sometimes he has to work overtime for his work and cannot go pick up his daughter from his ex-wife’s house.  Can I “legally” pick up his daughter for his visitation time?  I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes and cause a problem that can get him in trouble with the law.

A. You are “not” able to pick up the child for visitation purposes unless you have permission of, of course, your husband and the child’s mother. Usually the court will interpret an order as the father having visitation and will allow him to appoint someone to pick up and drop off the child; however, it is “his” visitation and if he cannot be there for any of the time because he is working then, no, the mother does not have to comply with this.  If, on the other hand, the father cannot commit to transportation because of work, but will be there for the visitation, then the mother would have to comply.

Q & A: Does my fiancée have to pay up back child support before we get married?

Child Support Revolt I eBook
available through the NBFR
http://www.fathershelphotline.com

Q. Does my fiancé have to pay his back child support to his ex-wife before we get married? Are there any legal implications if he has child support payments in arrears?

A. It is “not” a requirement to pay off back child support (otherwise known as “arrearages”) as a prerequisite to get married; however, please be aware that it’s important to keep your finances separate as, if you comingle funds in a joint checking account, the child support enforcement agency may come in and take “your” money as well. Don’t let this happen.

It’s important, if there are child support arrearages, your fiancé contact the child support collection agency and make payment arrangements. If this doesn’t work out well, then he can proceed to court to obtain an order from a judge regarding repayment. The child support collection agency must then follow this order.

How the Fathers' Rights Protection System Benefits Everyone

I want to make something perfectly clear. I respect women. I wouldn't be where I am today without the love and support of the women I've known in various stages of my life, beginning with my mother. The work I do in helping you get custody of your children isn't about fighting women. It isn't a knock against motherhood. It's just about making sure that your kids have their father so that they don't grow up to be one of those scary statistics we've talked about before.

And you know something? A majority of the people that join my membership program and consult with me over the phone are women! These ladies purchased my Fathers' Rights Protection System or membership because the court system is so screwed up. They figured that if my approach works that it would help the men in their lives with their child support and visitation problems too.

The Fathers Rights Protection System is not only beneficial to fathers negotiating the legal system, any parent's rights can be compromised unjustly. Katie DeMuth is a mother who was in the exact situation that you are in: her custodial rights were in danger of being denied thanks to the lies of her spouse.

I was almost positive that my husband would gain the 'upper hand.' The Protection System told me what other people have done in similar situations. I copied their success methods, filled out the necessary paper work, stood before the judge, received a signed court order and all of this was accomplished in ONE day. I now realize that it doesn't have to be as complicated as we're all led to believe. With the knowledge presented in your system, I now understand exactly what the judge is looking for. I can prepare and feel confident to represent myself at my next hearing or can guide my attorney better if I should choose to get one.

I take all matters of parental rights very seriously. I have developed a system that helps any parent protect themselves and their children from injustice.

For more information on the Fathers' Rights Protection System, visit http://www.fathershelphotline.com or, if you are a woman seeking help for the man in your life (husband, brother, friend) with his fathers' rights issues, visit http://www.women4fathersrights.com for a free download!

Looking for a list of child abuse and child neglect laws and statutes in your state?

Look no futher!  Here is a wonderful resource for those of you that are putting together legal documentation on someone who is involved in child abuse or child neglect.  No matter what state you are in, you can check out this state statute lookup resource by ChildWelfare.gov--it is a great way to get the exact statutes and laws that protect children as far as who can report child abuse, what records can be made available for those investigating child abuse reports, etcetera.  Pass it on to anyone you might know who may need this for their pro se legal battles!

Also, there will soon be a new eBook from the National Brotherhood of Fathers' Rights--"A Fathers' Rights Guide to False Allegations of Abuse," which will cover the dos and don't's when falsely accused of child abuse, domestic abuse, or neglect.  It will be avialable soon through fathershelphotline.com!

Custody Hurts the Grandparents, Too!

There was an article posted on The Observer in regards to a recent article about fathers' rights.  One woman posted a quick recap of her issues with her son's inability to get custody of his own son:

Last week, I received a telephone call from a policewoman threatening me with arrest. My crime? Sending three cards to my grandson telling him I love him. He had his third birthday last week and as my son's former partner will not allow me to see him I put birthday wishes in our local newspaper. My son is fighting through the family courts to regain the access he had with his son until March this year but he still is not seeing his little boy.

My son's ex-partner saw my cards as harassment. Don't you think the police have more important things to do than threaten a 67-year-old grandmother?

Sad, but true--situations like this happen all the time.

Read more from others on equal parenting time at The Observer.

Lyrics of "Every Other Weekend" From Reba McEntire and Kenny Chesney

Just a little song to help understand the pain and love that surrounds switching off the kids "Every Other Weekend."  This is a song by Reba McEntire and Kenny Chesney.

Every Other Weekend 
Reba McEntire and Kenny Chesney

(Reba)
Every Other Friday
It's toys and clothes and backpacks
Is everybody in?
Ok lets go see dad
Same time in the same spot
Corner of the same old parking lot
Half the hugs and kisses
There are always sad
We trade a couple words and looks and kids again
Every Other Weekend

(Kenny)
Every Other Weekend
Very few exceptions
I pick up the love we made in both my arms
It's movies on the sofa
Grilled cheese and cut the crust off
"But that's not the way mom makes it daddy" breaks my heart
I miss everything I use to have with her again
Every Other Weekend

(Kenny)
But I can't tell her I love her

(Reba)
I can't tell him I love him

(Kenny)
Cause there's too many questions and

(Both)
Ears in the car

(Reba)
So I don't tell him I miss him

(Kenny)
I don't tell her I need her

(Both)
She's(He's) over me, that's where we are

(Kenny)
So we're as close as we might ever be again

(Both)
Every Other Weekend

(Reba)
Every Other Saturday
First thing in the mornin'
I turn the TV on to make the quiet go away
I know why, but I don't know why
We ever let this happen
Filling for forever was a big mistake
There's so much not to do, and all day not to do it in
Every Other Weekend

(Kenny)
Every Other Sunday
I empty out my backseat
While my children hug their mother in the parking lot
We don't touch
We don't talk much
Maybe goodbye to each other
Then she drives away with every piece of heart I've got
I reconvince myself we did the right thing
Every Other Weekend

(Kenny)
So I can't tell her I love her

(Reba)
I can't tell him I love him

(Kenny)
Cause there's too many questions and

(Both)
Ears in the car

(Reba)
So I don't tell him I miss him

(Kenny)
I don't tell her I need her

(Both)
She's(He's) over me, that's where we are

(Kenny)
So we're as close as we might ever be again

(Both)
Every Other Weekend

(Kenny)
Yeah for fifteen minutes we're a family again

(Reba)
God I wish that he was still with me again

(Both)
Every Other Weekend

Q&A: My fiance technically has joint physical custody regardless of court ordered weekends--can he eliminate his child support?

Q. My fiancé has, over time, spent more and more time with his children, even though the court ordered agreement with his ex-wife states that he has the children every other weekend. Since his ex has changed jobs, my fiancé has agreed to watch them during the hours she works so she doesn’t have to pay for daycare. The hours he has the children equal to about half the time, or joint custody, yet he’s been paying her hundreds of dollars in child support each month since she has “full custody.” Can he take this to court and have custody changed, or even just his child support obligations?

A. Your fiancé can definitely have his custody arrangement changed. In fact, he could even go for full custody if he wants, but it will take some hard work and perseverance on his part. But to start, he could take the custody arrangement to court for joint. It’s a good idea that he keep track of when he has the kids, how much he is spending to care for them while they are at his house, etc. A few months’ worth of paperwork should be sufficient enough to take to court. All of this documentation will be used to demonstrate that there has been a “substantial change in circumstances” which warrants a change the current orders. This proof is very important. Without a change in circumstances, technically, you are not able to ask for a change to the orders.

Once in court, he can fight for joint custody, which will significantly lower his child support. In some cases, no one will end up paying child support at all since the custody is 50/50. One parent may be responsible for making the day-to-day decisions though, so that is something to fight for even during a joint custody arrangement.

Also, what happens if your fiancé ends up having to put the children in actual daycare? Who should pay for that? Should it be 50/50? These are the kinds of arrangements and parenting plans that should be considered when taking it to court. You can find out more about making a solid parenting plan that works by checking out the Fathers Rights Protection System.

A Dad With a Broken Heart

Ryan Randles recently posted a video statement to his children--his wife was able to terminate his rights as a father, and his heartbroken plea to his children.  If this doesn't pull on your heartstrings, I don't know what will.

This is what the court system is doing to fathers--hurting them through terminating their rights to visitation or custody of their kids.  Don't let this happen to the man in your life.  Stand up WITH your man and support him through the hard times as well as the good times.

Q & A: My Boyfriend is Keeping Me a Secret from His Ex!

Q.  My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months, and he recently (within 6 months) got out of the relationship with his ex-girlfriend with whom he has a child with.  Whenever he goes to pick up his son, he doesn’t want me around, and he has been keeping me a secret from his child’s mother.  Should I be concerned?  Where does this leave ME in this relationship?

A.  Just because your boyfriend doesn’t want his ex knowing about you right now doesn’t mean that he doesn’t trust you, love you, or want you to be around.  Understand that he may be keeping you out of the picture for a few reasons. 

First off, his breakup with his ex is fairly recent, and if he doesn’t have a court ordered document regarding custody and visitation, then chances are, he’s just trying to stay on his ex’s good side in order to make visitation and custody arrangements run a little more smoothly.  Without a court order, his visitation with his son is likely sporadic and at the discretion of his ex, so keeping new relationships under wraps for a while is probably a good idea on his behalf.  It’s not that he doesn’t love you, but he may understand that in order for things to run smoothly, he needs to stay on the down low when it comes to new relationships in order to keep his ex from trying to limit his visitation or refuse his rights to visit because she may still have feelings for him or worries about her son getting attached to someone else who may not be around for long.  At this point, it is important that he get a court order established for visitation so that he is no longer at the mother’s whim.  This makes life for you and him much easier.

Just be supportive of your boyfriend’s decisions at this time.  He may have some extra “baggage” from his previous relationship, but know that he’s a mature and responsible person for thinking of his child first.  If you’re there for him, supportive, and are by his side, he will open up to you in regards to his reasons for keeping you a secret from his ex and will continually gain trust in your relationship together. 

Give it time and encourage him to get a court order for custody if this is his primary concern—that way, if she refuses visitation, he can call the cops and get time with his son.

For more help and information, check out the Women for Fathers' Rights eBook, and help the man you love get custody of his children by sending him to the National Brotherhood of Fathers' Rights website!

Q&A: Why does my boyfriend help out his ex financially, even though he already pays his ex child support?

Q.  Why does my boyfriend help out his ex financially, even though he already pays his ex child support for their daughter?  She’s constantly asking him for money, outside of the funds he pays her each month in child support.

A.  Why does he do it?  Probably out of guilt for not being a part of the child’s life on a day to day basis. Also, at times the mother may guilt him into paying more. But, the answer is something that needs to come from him directly.  Part of it may be that he feels the child support isn’t enough; but doubtful if this is the case!  Is his ex-wife asking for help in buying items for their daughter, or is she asking him for gas money or money for utilities?  If she’s asking for things that directly (and somewhat indirectly) affect his daughter, he may be giving her the money to make sure his daughter is taken care of, especially if she has fully custody.

If he’s going to be attempting to obtain full joint or full custody of his daughter, he may be doing it to document and then show the courts later that he has been fulfilling his financial responsibility—and then some—and can help him show that he is financially better off to care for their daughter, thus giving him a chance at a better custody arrangement. [Oftentimes, though, the courts could care less about how much money the Father pays. The Mother in the courts eyes, “is” the primary caretaker.  Make sure your guy doesn’t overpay, as this isn’t going to make a difference regarding custody.]

But honestly, the reason why he is doing it could be three-fold, and the only way to find out for sure his reasons behind the generosity is to ask him.  If he hasn’t considered gaining custody of his daughter, and if his reasons for financially supporting his ex is in order to make sure his daughter’s needs are taken care of, then maybe it’s time you talk to him about considering taking the issue back to court so that he can gain more custody of his daughter and be more actively involved in her life and caretaking. Just make sure that his extra expenditure does not adversely affect your family.

Help Support Women for Fathers' Rights on Facebook!

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As some of you may have already noticed, we're on Facebook!  Please, check us out, "like" us, and spread the love to your friends--invite everyone you know that believes that both parents are best to join our cause!  Hopefully, down the line, we can all band together to eliminate sexism in the courtroom and show that a child with their father in their lives is the best possible outcome of any divorce!  Click the link below to go to our Facebook fan page to "like" us and share with the ones you love!

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Thank you for your continued support!

Audio/Video on Women for Fathers Rights

The world's number one fathers' rights activists, Dennis Gac, has an audio/video post on YouTube that talks about How can Women Help Their Man with Fathers' Rights Issues?  It's five minutes long and offers a number of tips and information that you can use to help your man with his custody battle, whether you're a wife, girlfriend, mother, or grandmother.  Some great, fast information to get you on the right track to helping the man in YOUR life see his children and gain the rights of fatherhood that he deserves!



Be sure to check the other YouTube videos and audio files available through Dennis Gac--he has a number of helpful instructions for women, men, and the loved ones in their lives that can help them with their fathers' rights issues.  In addition, Dennis Gac is the founder of the National Brotherhood of Fathers' Rights, which is a group that focuses on fathers gaining rights and custody of their children and giving them the chance to earn their fatherhood back from spiteful ex-wives and ex-girlfriends!

Q&A: My Boyfriend's Ex Ran Off with His Two Children, and We Cannot Find Her!

Q. My boyfriend’s ex ran off with his two children, and we cannot find her or contact her.  How can I help him?

A.  When your boyfriend’s children are missing, it can be a very stressful and concerning time.  But there are a few steps you need to take before taking action.

First off, it is important that you check the actual court order that is in place.  If his ex has full-custody of the children and has the right to leave the area without permission, then she is technically not violating the court order.  However, if there is any concern for the health or well-being of the children, then by all means, contact law enforcement immediately.

If your boyfriend’s ex is indeed violating a court order (say, for instance, your boyfriend has full custody and it was her weekend to spend with the kids and she never returned), then it is important that you notify law enforcement immediately.  Chances are, they will help him find his ex and their children, and in some cases, depending on what is going on, your boyfriend can file an emergency order to obtain full custody of the children if their lives were at risk or there was the possibility of his ex causing harm to the children.  Depending on the circumstances involved, she could be charged with kidnapping and prosecuted accordingly.

If anything, it is a good idea to have a police report of the incident in the event it occurs again or the issue ends up going to court.  This can—or rather, WILL—help your boyfriend’s case down the road if he tries to get full custody of the children.

Another very important factor if he was not married to her is that your boyfriend needs to establish himself as the father with a full set of parental rights.  I’m not talking only about having his name on the birth certificate, I’m talking about going to court and filing a Petition for Parentage and establishing—with an order signed off on by a Judge—a court order which gives him decision-making capabilities.  Then, and only then, will he have “standing” in the case.  He has got to make this happen to help enforce his rights as a father.

--Dennis Gac, Creator of the National Brotherhood of Fathers' Rights

How to Help the Man in Your Life With His Fathers' Rights Issues

Does your boyfriend, fiancé, son, or grandson seem to have his life together in every way except for his custody and child support issues? Has it become increasingly difficult for him to make any headway in his case? Has he become more hopeless in his quest to get fair treatment by the courts and from his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend? If you have answered "yes" to any of these questions, the situation is not hopeless and there are many things that you can do to be a positive influence in this negative situation.

Your guy's ex-wife or ex-girlfriend probably has custody of his children, controls his visitation times, and demands increasingly unreasonable amounts of money from him, all while making him feel like a "dead-beat dad" when nothing could be further from the truth. Everything is going so well in every other aspect of your relationship and in his life; it becomes even harder to see your guy so miserable when really it is not his fault.

Many women who are in your situation don't know what to do, but they also don't know if it is even okay for them to get involved in any way at all. I am here to tell you that while you probably cannot be a decision maker in his case, it is crucial for you to take an active interest in your man's case. While you cannot legally do anything to help out your guy, you can be proactive when he just feels insecure and scared. When he is feeling this way, you can have a dramatic positive influence in just supporting him and making sure he gets all the information he needs to be successful and also to make sure he doesn't give up when he feels hopeless.

You see, fathers' rights are not just for and about fathers--they're YOUR rights, too.  If a father in your life has restricted access to his kids, so do you. If he's paying through the nose for child support even though his income has dropped, that affects you, too. His stress and feeling of powerlessness directly affects your quality of life as a couple. Now is the time to take back some of the power his ex-wife or ex-girlfriend has taken away from him and from you, if you are the girlfriend, fiancé, or spouse. Maybe he's even facing false allegations from his ex.  Many will exaggerate or downright lie in order to get more child support or limit the child custody as a power play. The courts are favorably disposed toward mothers and the ex-wives and ex-girlfriends that know that can take advantage of it.

This is where most fathers fail; they don't want to get involved when they think that they might lose or when they see their kids being hurt. What they need to realize is by not being in their children's lives, they will hurt their children more in the future by being absent as a positive and loving figure in their lives. This is where you can really do the most good. Support and research is where you can make the most difference in his life, so make sure that you have the information and support that you need to succeed.

A great place to learn about how to be there for your man during his fathers' rights battle is by checking into the Women for Fathers' Rights eBook, available through http://www.women4fathersrights.com, or through the link below.  What do you have to lose?  Show your support and give guidance to the man in your life fighting for his rights to see his children and be a part of their life!

Welcome to the Women for Fathers' Rights Blog!

Thank you for visiting the Women for Fathers' Rights Blog!  It is so important that women help the men in their lives with their fathers' rights issues, whether it be your husband, your fiancé, your brother, son or grandson.  The family court system is set up to favor mothers, setting men up for failure when it comes to divorce and child custody.  But women all over the United States are stepping up to the plate and supporting those they love with their fathers' rights issues.  Now, more than ever, fathers are getting custody of their children, increasing their visitation, and are getting to spend time with their children no matter what their current status with their children's mother.

If you are wife, sister, mother, friend or any other woman looking to help a man in your life with his child custody and fathers' rights issues, this is the blog to follow!  We will continually post new, up-to-date information on the changing custody arrangements allowed in family law, tips and techniques to assist your man with his battle in the courtroom, and even common questions and answers that arise from being the woman in their lives battling for their rights to be a dad.

We hope you continue to visit this blog, and follow it regularly to ensure you have the latest information and the positive techniques and tricks that you can use in order to help your man succeed in the courtroom and get the chance to enjoy fatherhood to its fullest!