Q & A: Fiance's ex-girlfriend gave up rights of daughter to her parents, can he get his daughter back?

Q. My fiancé’s ex-girlfriend gave birth to his daughter while he was not around, and so his name is not on her birth certificate.  His ex-girlfriend gave over legal custody of his daughter to her parents, and they are now the legal guardians.  My fiancé wants custody (joint, full, whatever he can get) of his daughter.  Without his name on the birth certificate, what are his rights and how can he get his daughter back?

A.  It’s important to know that regardless of the situation with the grandparents, the courts will typically side with a biological parent taking care of the child.  This being said, the first step that needs to be taken in this situation would be to have your fiancé prove that he is indeed the father, regardless of what is stated on the birth certificate.  This can be done with a simple paternity test, which your fiancé could go to court and request legally.

Once paternity is established, then he would go to court against the grandparents.  In a situation like this, he could probably go for full since it sounds as though his ex-girlfriend doesn’t want much to do with the child already and/or feels like an incompetent or irresponsible parent already (maybe she’s young?).  In addition, since he’s your fiancé, he may fare better in court once you were married, as he could fight that the child would be entering a two-parent situation, a stable household and a two-income family.

Q & A: Can I pick up my husband's daughter for his scheduled visitation time?

Q.  My husband’s ex has full custody of his daughter, but he does get to pick her up for his visitation rights every other weekend.  Sometimes he has to work overtime for his work and cannot go pick up his daughter from his ex-wife’s house.  Can I “legally” pick up his daughter for his visitation time?  I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes and cause a problem that can get him in trouble with the law.

A. You are “not” able to pick up the child for visitation purposes unless you have permission of, of course, your husband and the child’s mother. Usually the court will interpret an order as the father having visitation and will allow him to appoint someone to pick up and drop off the child; however, it is “his” visitation and if he cannot be there for any of the time because he is working then, no, the mother does not have to comply with this.  If, on the other hand, the father cannot commit to transportation because of work, but will be there for the visitation, then the mother would have to comply.

Q&A: My fiance technically has joint physical custody regardless of court ordered weekends--can he eliminate his child support?

Q. My fiancé has, over time, spent more and more time with his children, even though the court ordered agreement with his ex-wife states that he has the children every other weekend. Since his ex has changed jobs, my fiancé has agreed to watch them during the hours she works so she doesn’t have to pay for daycare. The hours he has the children equal to about half the time, or joint custody, yet he’s been paying her hundreds of dollars in child support each month since she has “full custody.” Can he take this to court and have custody changed, or even just his child support obligations?

A. Your fiancé can definitely have his custody arrangement changed. In fact, he could even go for full custody if he wants, but it will take some hard work and perseverance on his part. But to start, he could take the custody arrangement to court for joint. It’s a good idea that he keep track of when he has the kids, how much he is spending to care for them while they are at his house, etc. A few months’ worth of paperwork should be sufficient enough to take to court. All of this documentation will be used to demonstrate that there has been a “substantial change in circumstances” which warrants a change the current orders. This proof is very important. Without a change in circumstances, technically, you are not able to ask for a change to the orders.

Once in court, he can fight for joint custody, which will significantly lower his child support. In some cases, no one will end up paying child support at all since the custody is 50/50. One parent may be responsible for making the day-to-day decisions though, so that is something to fight for even during a joint custody arrangement.

Also, what happens if your fiancé ends up having to put the children in actual daycare? Who should pay for that? Should it be 50/50? These are the kinds of arrangements and parenting plans that should be considered when taking it to court. You can find out more about making a solid parenting plan that works by checking out the Fathers Rights Protection System.

Q&A: Why does my boyfriend help out his ex financially, even though he already pays his ex child support?

Q.  Why does my boyfriend help out his ex financially, even though he already pays his ex child support for their daughter?  She’s constantly asking him for money, outside of the funds he pays her each month in child support.

A.  Why does he do it?  Probably out of guilt for not being a part of the child’s life on a day to day basis. Also, at times the mother may guilt him into paying more. But, the answer is something that needs to come from him directly.  Part of it may be that he feels the child support isn’t enough; but doubtful if this is the case!  Is his ex-wife asking for help in buying items for their daughter, or is she asking him for gas money or money for utilities?  If she’s asking for things that directly (and somewhat indirectly) affect his daughter, he may be giving her the money to make sure his daughter is taken care of, especially if she has fully custody.

If he’s going to be attempting to obtain full joint or full custody of his daughter, he may be doing it to document and then show the courts later that he has been fulfilling his financial responsibility—and then some—and can help him show that he is financially better off to care for their daughter, thus giving him a chance at a better custody arrangement. [Oftentimes, though, the courts could care less about how much money the Father pays. The Mother in the courts eyes, “is” the primary caretaker.  Make sure your guy doesn’t overpay, as this isn’t going to make a difference regarding custody.]

But honestly, the reason why he is doing it could be three-fold, and the only way to find out for sure his reasons behind the generosity is to ask him.  If he hasn’t considered gaining custody of his daughter, and if his reasons for financially supporting his ex is in order to make sure his daughter’s needs are taken care of, then maybe it’s time you talk to him about considering taking the issue back to court so that he can gain more custody of his daughter and be more actively involved in her life and caretaking. Just make sure that his extra expenditure does not adversely affect your family.