Q. My boyfriend’s son from his previous marriage does not like me. I know I’m not their stepmom by any means at this point in our relationship, but how do I get on his son’s “good side” so that he doesn’t say nasty things to my boyfriend’s ex which could cause her to start problems with their custody?
A. This answer may be a little vague, considering the vague summary in question. A lot of this may depend on his son’s age—are we talking about a teenager or a toddler? If it’s a toddler, give it time. If it’s a teenager, you can sit with his son and have a heart-to-heart talk. There may be fears that the teenager has concerns about, such as not getting too close to you in case you end up not sticking around, which can cause more feelings of disappointment and detachment like he felt during your boyfriend’s last divorce.
Also, has the badmouthing about you already started, or are you just concerned that it may? If it has already started, there’s not much you can do except talk to the child and let them know that they have been misinformed, or that they are mistaken about the topic in question. If you need to, maybe all of you can sit down with the child and clear the air. This would all, of course, depend on what is being said, the age of the child, and the specific situation that you and your boyfriend are dealing with. Most importantly, don’t push! This never helps.
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