Q & A: Is there a way to document where my fiance's ex-wife's child support is going? It seems to be going towards her frivolous lifestyle!

Q. My fiancé’s ex-wife continually complains about not having enough money to buy necessary things for their children, but yet she is constantly talking about her new clothes, just purchased a new car, and comes over with perfectly manicured nails.  It’s obvious that the child support my fiancé is paying to her to help take care of their two children is not going where it needs to go.  Can we take her to court to find out how exactly she’s using the child support?  Can we make her document where the money is going?

A.  This is a tough question. You would think that you can take the mother to court to ask for an accounting of how her money has been spent; however, the courts—mainly due to laziness—typically do not want to get into “how” the money is spent.  Unless you can demonstrate a really severe situation in which the kids are really suffering (such as starving, malnutrition, etcetera), you’re going to be hard-pressed to make her cough up an accounting of her expenditures.   I know that this burns you, but these are just the facts, Ma’am!

Q & A: Does my fiancée have to pay up back child support before we get married?

Child Support Revolt I eBook
available through the NBFR
http://www.fathershelphotline.com

Q. Does my fiancé have to pay his back child support to his ex-wife before we get married? Are there any legal implications if he has child support payments in arrears?

A. It is “not” a requirement to pay off back child support (otherwise known as “arrearages”) as a prerequisite to get married; however, please be aware that it’s important to keep your finances separate as, if you comingle funds in a joint checking account, the child support enforcement agency may come in and take “your” money as well. Don’t let this happen.

It’s important, if there are child support arrearages, your fiancé contact the child support collection agency and make payment arrangements. If this doesn’t work out well, then he can proceed to court to obtain an order from a judge regarding repayment. The child support collection agency must then follow this order.

Q&A: My fiance technically has joint physical custody regardless of court ordered weekends--can he eliminate his child support?

Q. My fiancé has, over time, spent more and more time with his children, even though the court ordered agreement with his ex-wife states that he has the children every other weekend. Since his ex has changed jobs, my fiancé has agreed to watch them during the hours she works so she doesn’t have to pay for daycare. The hours he has the children equal to about half the time, or joint custody, yet he’s been paying her hundreds of dollars in child support each month since she has “full custody.” Can he take this to court and have custody changed, or even just his child support obligations?

A. Your fiancé can definitely have his custody arrangement changed. In fact, he could even go for full custody if he wants, but it will take some hard work and perseverance on his part. But to start, he could take the custody arrangement to court for joint. It’s a good idea that he keep track of when he has the kids, how much he is spending to care for them while they are at his house, etc. A few months’ worth of paperwork should be sufficient enough to take to court. All of this documentation will be used to demonstrate that there has been a “substantial change in circumstances” which warrants a change the current orders. This proof is very important. Without a change in circumstances, technically, you are not able to ask for a change to the orders.

Once in court, he can fight for joint custody, which will significantly lower his child support. In some cases, no one will end up paying child support at all since the custody is 50/50. One parent may be responsible for making the day-to-day decisions though, so that is something to fight for even during a joint custody arrangement.

Also, what happens if your fiancé ends up having to put the children in actual daycare? Who should pay for that? Should it be 50/50? These are the kinds of arrangements and parenting plans that should be considered when taking it to court. You can find out more about making a solid parenting plan that works by checking out the Fathers Rights Protection System.

Q & A: My Boyfriend is Keeping Me a Secret from His Ex!

Q.  My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months, and he recently (within 6 months) got out of the relationship with his ex-girlfriend with whom he has a child with.  Whenever he goes to pick up his son, he doesn’t want me around, and he has been keeping me a secret from his child’s mother.  Should I be concerned?  Where does this leave ME in this relationship?

A.  Just because your boyfriend doesn’t want his ex knowing about you right now doesn’t mean that he doesn’t trust you, love you, or want you to be around.  Understand that he may be keeping you out of the picture for a few reasons. 

First off, his breakup with his ex is fairly recent, and if he doesn’t have a court ordered document regarding custody and visitation, then chances are, he’s just trying to stay on his ex’s good side in order to make visitation and custody arrangements run a little more smoothly.  Without a court order, his visitation with his son is likely sporadic and at the discretion of his ex, so keeping new relationships under wraps for a while is probably a good idea on his behalf.  It’s not that he doesn’t love you, but he may understand that in order for things to run smoothly, he needs to stay on the down low when it comes to new relationships in order to keep his ex from trying to limit his visitation or refuse his rights to visit because she may still have feelings for him or worries about her son getting attached to someone else who may not be around for long.  At this point, it is important that he get a court order established for visitation so that he is no longer at the mother’s whim.  This makes life for you and him much easier.

Just be supportive of your boyfriend’s decisions at this time.  He may have some extra “baggage” from his previous relationship, but know that he’s a mature and responsible person for thinking of his child first.  If you’re there for him, supportive, and are by his side, he will open up to you in regards to his reasons for keeping you a secret from his ex and will continually gain trust in your relationship together. 

Give it time and encourage him to get a court order for custody if this is his primary concern—that way, if she refuses visitation, he can call the cops and get time with his son.

For more help and information, check out the Women for Fathers' Rights eBook, and help the man you love get custody of his children by sending him to the National Brotherhood of Fathers' Rights website!

Q&A: Why does my boyfriend help out his ex financially, even though he already pays his ex child support?

Q.  Why does my boyfriend help out his ex financially, even though he already pays his ex child support for their daughter?  She’s constantly asking him for money, outside of the funds he pays her each month in child support.

A.  Why does he do it?  Probably out of guilt for not being a part of the child’s life on a day to day basis. Also, at times the mother may guilt him into paying more. But, the answer is something that needs to come from him directly.  Part of it may be that he feels the child support isn’t enough; but doubtful if this is the case!  Is his ex-wife asking for help in buying items for their daughter, or is she asking him for gas money or money for utilities?  If she’s asking for things that directly (and somewhat indirectly) affect his daughter, he may be giving her the money to make sure his daughter is taken care of, especially if she has fully custody.

If he’s going to be attempting to obtain full joint or full custody of his daughter, he may be doing it to document and then show the courts later that he has been fulfilling his financial responsibility—and then some—and can help him show that he is financially better off to care for their daughter, thus giving him a chance at a better custody arrangement. [Oftentimes, though, the courts could care less about how much money the Father pays. The Mother in the courts eyes, “is” the primary caretaker.  Make sure your guy doesn’t overpay, as this isn’t going to make a difference regarding custody.]

But honestly, the reason why he is doing it could be three-fold, and the only way to find out for sure his reasons behind the generosity is to ask him.  If he hasn’t considered gaining custody of his daughter, and if his reasons for financially supporting his ex is in order to make sure his daughter’s needs are taken care of, then maybe it’s time you talk to him about considering taking the issue back to court so that he can gain more custody of his daughter and be more actively involved in her life and caretaking. Just make sure that his extra expenditure does not adversely affect your family.