Q & A: Can my boyfriend and his ex work out a parenting plan for custody and visitation without going through the court system?

Q.  My boyfriend and his ex-girlfriend have a child together.  Even though they broke up before their son was born, they have always worked well together, come to agreement on any issues, and have never argued about money or child support.  They never took each other to court for custody, and agree on a joint custody arrangement, splitting everything half and half.  However, I want to make sure my boyfriend is protected and has some sort of legal rights.  Neither party has the money to hire an attorney.  Can they write up a parenting agreement, have it signed and notarized, and have it hold up in court if there was ever an issue?  How can they make a legally binding parental agreement without dragging in expensive lawyers and legal assistance?

A.  Yes, they can definitely do this on their own without hiring on an attorney or lawyer.  They can work together to write up what’s called a “parenting plan” that they both agree on, that they both feel works for them and their son. Other paperwork regarding paternity is “required” as well. They can either do this with a mediator in the family courts and have it entered in as a court order, or they can write it on their own, have it signed and notarized by both of them, and also have that entered into the court.  That way, the document is legally binding and then they must follow the parenting plan or else the other parent could take the issue to court and fight for custody of their son.

Q & A: As a girlfriend, do I have a say in my boyfriend's custody arrangement?

Q. My boyfriend’s ex wants 50/50 custody of their son.  There is no court arrangement or child support arrangement that was made after they broke up, and he has always let her see him whenever she wanted.  They have had a fair and friendly relationship until now, when she has decided she wants to take it to court.  As his girlfriend of 3 years, do I have a say in this arrangement?

A.  Even though, after three years of being with your boyfriend, you feel like their son is your own, you technically have no legal influence on the situation.  Now, if his ex wanted to take the issue to court and you two were married, that would definitely be taken into consideration in the courtroom, since you are then a stable family, dual income home, not living in wedlock, and so on.  If his ex is taking it to court now when the joint arrangement has worked out well, she’d have a hard time proving she deserves full custody.  The court may very well keep the custody arrangement as joint, since it has worked for so long, and maybe that’s just what his ex wants—a written, legally binding document to protect her—and your boyfriend’s—legal rights to their son.

Q & A: Can I pick up my husband's daughter for his scheduled visitation time?

Q.  My husband’s ex has full custody of his daughter, but he does get to pick her up for his visitation rights every other weekend.  Sometimes he has to work overtime for his work and cannot go pick up his daughter from his ex-wife’s house.  Can I “legally” pick up his daughter for his visitation time?  I don’t want to step on anyone’s toes and cause a problem that can get him in trouble with the law.

A. You are “not” able to pick up the child for visitation purposes unless you have permission of, of course, your husband and the child’s mother. Usually the court will interpret an order as the father having visitation and will allow him to appoint someone to pick up and drop off the child; however, it is “his” visitation and if he cannot be there for any of the time because he is working then, no, the mother does not have to comply with this.  If, on the other hand, the father cannot commit to transportation because of work, but will be there for the visitation, then the mother would have to comply.