A. Everyone parents differently. And when it comes to bouncing between two different families, children can pick up on these inconsistencies very quickly. If one parent has a strict bedtime and the other doesn’t, they’ll choose the later bedtime any day. Yet at the same time, the more lenient parent will tend to get all the positive praise from the children because of the fact that there are no rules, no chores, no disagreements at the other parent’s house. And at some point, you have to learn to pick your battles—if the kids are fed, bathed, well-rested, etc., the situation should probably just be left alone.
There are a few instances where you should step in. This is if you feel the children are in harm’s way or are at risk of being hurt, injured, abused, etcetera. This is obviously a time in which you—and your husband—should step in and talk to his ex, or, depending on the severity of the situation, call the proper authorities.
There are typically certain things that both parents NEED to agree on. These typically involve things such as religion, education, and any extracurricular activities that may cost extra money for both parents. These issues are typically—and should be—worked out during the divorce and put on the court order to ensure that there is a legally binding agreement between both parents about the things that are most important to them and their child.
Bedtimes, chores, and all those extra rules are not placed in a court order, but can sometimes be worked into a parenting plan. Find out what your husband and his ex have written up in their parenting plan, and consider letting him know he has the option to make some changes on things if they are really important to him and concern the children’s health and well-being. But otherwise, let it go unless it’s a serious issue—learning to pick your battles is one thing you will quickly learn to do when dealing with your significant other’s ex.
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