Q & A: My boyfriend's ex-wife is not following the court ordered visitation schedule

Q.   My boyfriend has an ex-wife with whom he has a son with, and she lives about two hours away.  It is court-ordered that my boyfriend get his son every summer.  This puts a bind on him, however, since his job would force him to have to pay for daycare during the day while he’s working.  I work nights, and can watch his son during the day so that he doesn’t have to worry about making arrangements for daycare.  His ex-wife, however, refuses to let me watch her son, and would rather her son stay with her parents instead, who live in town with her and basically keeps my boyfriend from having any time with his son at all.  Does she have a right to pick who can watch her child even though it’s during the child’s father’s time with them?

A.  Unfortunately, it sounds as though the ex is being highly unreasonable.  If she has a real concern with her son being with you, that’s one thing, but she may just be doing it out of spite, anger, or resentment against your boyfriend.  You’re “the other woman” and maybe she is afraid that her son might get attached to you.  It might be best to sit and talk reasonably with her to find out her true concerns.

However, I think the biggest concern here is the violation of the court ordered agreement.  If they have it court-ordered that he gets his son during the summer, then she is basically neglecting to stick with that court order and could be considered in violation if she is trying to keep their son where she lives just because she doesn’t want you caring for her child out of spite.  If he were to get daycare for his son, would she insist on “approving” of them too?  If not, then it’s a situation of spite.  If so, then maybe she is overly concerned as to who is caring for her son outside of her home.